How to Write Personal Wedding Vows: A Step-by-Step Guide

The thought of standing in front of your partner before your nearest and dearest and promising forever can feel like quite a daunting prospect for some. For others, writing personal wedding vows feels exciting.

Your vows are the heart of your wedding ceremony. Where do you even begin? How do you capture a lifetime of love, laughter, and shared moments in just a few lines?

The good news? It doesn’t have to be overwhelming. If you’re here, you’re ready to write something that feels like you. So, grab a cup of tea (or a glass of wine – even better) and let’s get started.

Whether you want your vows to be deeply romantic, light-hearted, or a mix of both, this guide will help you put pen to paper and create something that feels meaningful and authentically you.

Why Write Personal Vows?

Some couples opt for traditional or pre-existing modern vows, and that’s absolutely fine. Something less personalised works better for some couples, and with the prospect of writing a speech too, some people are happy with a less is more approach.

BUT, I’m a big fan of DIY vows. Writing your own creates a deeply personal, heartfelt moment that no one else in the world will ever share. It’s also often a ceremony highlight - even with the best ceremony in the world, nothing will make your friends and family happier than hearing your heartfelt, direct promises to each other.

A celebrant-led wedding allows you to be as traditional or modern, poetic or playful, as you like. This is about your love, your story, and your promises to each other.

Whether your vows are tearjerking, laugh-out-loud funny, or a mix of both, personal vows make your ceremony unique and unforgettable.

As a celebrant, I love helping the couples I work with shape their vows. But nothing comes from the heart more than doing it yourself, and I can be on-hand to help with tweaks and suggestions after you’ve got a first draft down.

Step 1: Reflect on Your Love Story

Before you start writing, take a moment to pause. Put one of ‘your’ songs on to get you thinking about your partner and the amazing times you’ve shared, take out a notebook and start making some notes. You might have already started this process casually some time before, by making notes on your phone as and when things occur to you.

Think about your journey together:

• How did you meet? Was it a rom-com-worthy moment or a slow-burn friendship that turned into something more?

• What was your first impression of each other? (Be honest! And did it change over time?)

• When did you realise, this is my person?

• What are the little things they do that make your heart swell? (Maybe they leave you cute notes, always pick out the tomatoes from your salad, or warm your side of the bed in winter.)

• What challenges have you faced together, and how have they strengthened your bond?

Jot down words, phrases, or full memories - this isn’t about writing the vows just yet. It’s about creating a bank of moments, memories and feelings to pull from later.

Step 2: Decide on the Tone

OK, so this is the bit you do need to align on with your partner. If you don’t, you can bet that one of you will go for heartfelt sentiment, and the other a stand-up comedy show! (And no-one wants to be the second person speaking if that happens…) This is another good reason to work with a celebrant who can help you. You can both do a draft and send them across for me to look over and make sure they work well alongside each other.

Your vows should reflect who you are as a couple. Are you romantic, sentimental, playful, poetic, or damn right silly? A mix of all?

Here are some examples:

Romantic: "From the moment I met you, I knew my heart had found its home. Today, I promise to love you, support you, and dance in the kitchen with you, even when there's no music."

Light-hearted: "I vow to always pretend to listen when you tell me football stats and to let you have the last slice of pizza... most of the time."

Poetic: "You are my safe harbour, my North Star, and my greatest adventure. I vow to walk through every season of life hand in hand."

If you and your partner have similar styles, you might naturally align. But if one of you is more verbose the other prefers a short and sweet approach, don’t stress! The contrast will make your vows all the more special.

Step 3: Structure Your Vows

A good rule of thumb? Three key sections:

1. The Past – Why You Fell in Love

Start by reflecting on your journey. Mention a special moment, an inside joke, or what made you realise they were the one.

Example: "From the moment you walked into my life, carrying a coffee for me even though I hadn’t asked, I knew you were someone special. You see the little things, and that’s what makes you so easy to love."

2. The Present – What You Love About Them

Share what makes them your favourite person. Maybe it’s their kindness, the way they light up a room, or their unshakeable ability to make you laugh, even on tough days.

Example: "You are my best friend, my greatest love, and the one person who knows exactly how to cheer me up - usually involving snacks. Your kindness and laughter are my safe space."

3. The Future – Your Promises

This is the heart of your vows - your commitments to each other. Keep them personal and meaningful.

Example: "I promise to stand beside you in every season of life, to cheer you on when you doubt yourself, and to make sure we never run out of snacks. I promise to love you fiercely, laugh with you often, and never stop holding your hand."

Step 4: Add a Personal Touch

Your vows should be unmistakably you. Here are some ideas to make them special:

• Include a quote that speaks to your love ("As Jane Austen said: 'You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.'")

• Mention an inside joke ("I promise to always share my fries, even though we both know you said you didn’t want any.")

• Keep it real - not every line has to be poetry. Some of the best vows are simple: "I love you. I choose you. Always."

Step 5: Keep It Short & Sweet

Aim for 1–2 minutes max . It may not sound like much, but trust me—when you're standing there, full of love and emotion, it’ll feel just right.

Step 6: Practice (But Not Too Much!)

Once you’ve written your vows, read them out loud.

This helps:
Check the flow—are there any awkward bits?
Keep it natural—does it sound like you?
Control nerves—it gets easier the more you say them!

Pro tip: If I’m working with you, I’ll always offer to print them for you on vow cards, or you can do so yourself if you have specific wedding stationary you’re using. People often think they have to memorise everything, which really isn’t a good idea under the pressure of the moment. Even the best public speakers get emotional, and having them to read from means no stress, and is arguably more natural than being in your head trying to remember your memorised lines!

Final Thoughts: The Perfect Vows Are the Ones That Feel Right to You

There’s no right way to write your vows. Whether they’re romantic, funny, or poetic, what matters is that they come from the heart.

If the words capture your love and make your partner smile (or cry happy tears!), you’ve done it right.

And at the end of the day, it’s not just about the words - it’s about the life you’re building together. The vows are just the beginning.

Need More Help?

As a wedding celebrant, I work with couples to create ceremonies that are personal, meaningful, and unforgettable. If you'd like support in crafting your vows and planning a unique ceremony, get in touch! Let’s make your wedding day awesome and totally authentic to you 💌 Drop me a line here